Recurrence

(inspired by Tools for living your life)

I have this affliction
permanent chaos in my head & trouble focussing
unstoppable energy & eruptions of creativity
I’m easily bored & have working memory deficiencies
I have no sense of time
and a long list of anxiety disorder symptoms

I have learned that a stable environment is key
I need a home and a steady job
to be surrounded by people who love me
and understand how I (don't) function
I need plans and much much structure
I have acquired coping skills
they eat away 75% of my energy
I work part time because of this

when I’m under great pressure
overwhelmed by tiredness & sadness
when I drown in fear
when I feel mediocre
as if I’m
not doing enough
not living up to expectations
not delivering

then I cannot
be nice, understanding & giving
deal with people
open up
speak my mind

then I
procrastinate
complain
avoid people & confrontations

when I consider giving up
because it is all too much
because I cannot handle this much

I usually go on regardless
till there’s nothing left of me

I was taught not to give up